It’s been a while since I’ve posted here in my blog. There are a lot that has happened and a lot more to be said. God is continually allowing things to happen in my life which are stretching out my faith to a length that it has never been before. It hurts, sometimes. But I guess this is all I have right now – the faith that God is molding my character and preparing me for the GREAT things that He has planned out for my life especially this 2009.
Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I KNOW the PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” And this is my confidence. That God is taking good care of my future. I may not know what tomorrow brings but God does. And HE said that tomorrow is a day of good, greater things. He said that tomorrow, He shall only bless me, and never harm me. Tomorrow, there shall only be a daylight that will shine upon the darkness that glooms over the earth.
Where is this all coming from? Hmmmm.. You might wanna read those two paragraphs again. Slowly now and you’ll realize that there is a pinch of “fear” that pushed those lines to slip through my lips. A pinch of “uncertainty” that caused for each word to be uttered. (Yes, I still have those.)
And again, Where is this all coming from?
Our company just moved to our new office. We are now located at the Global City. Oh well, a lot of you can not even begin to imagine what that has got to do with all these feelings lingering within.
Here are just some little facts, little concerns if I may say, that arose in the minds of a lot of us when moving to Global City was first envisioned.
1. Transportation. It’s far (compared to our old office). There is no public transportation that would take us directly to the new office lest we take a cab which is going to be so expensive especially for someone like me who lives in a faraway land, from a different city altogether.
2. Food. The nearest that we have is a Starbucks Coffee Shop and a 7-Eleven Store (just a block away). Hey, a month of even just a “bunch of lunch” in those stores would cost us half of our monthly net salary already.
3. Effort. The trip is really tiring. The traffic, the crowd, the pollution.
4. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
Such a grumbler, am I not?
“In the integrity of my heart and innocence of my hands I have done this (I have complained to Thee).” Genesis 20:5
And God said to me, “Yes, I know that you did this in the integrity of your heart. For I also withheld you from sinning against Me; therefore I did not let you touch her (complain further).” Genesis 20:6
And such is what happened on my first day at work..
Do you still remember how you felt the first time you had to go to school (when you were in kindergarten) and your parents or nannies could only accompany you to the doorstep? Or the first time you moved to a new school? (when you entered grade one, or first year high school, or first year college)
Oh well, I remember I was scared. Got more scared each time I moved a level higher. Haha! Such a baby.
Yesterday (January 5, Monday), I had the same feeling. I had qualms, inhibitions, fears lingering in my heart as I took one step after the other closer to the new office (No, I did not take a walk, haha). But every beat of fear I intentionally overcame with a whisper of His name. As I stood there at the train (I took the MRT, first time since I got employed) for about twenty minutes or so, I allowed Him to take control over my thoughts. Nunka! (Never!) Did I let any negative thought/complaint/murmuring come in.
And as I wait patiently, He speaketh.
Yes, He did.
He brought to my memory the story of Peter when he walked on water.
When Peter asked Jesus to call him unto the deep, I believe he wanted it. In his heart, he wanted it. Jesus, generous and kind as He is, called him out. He said “Okay, Peter. If that is what you want, then come on over. Let those feet touch the water. C’mon Peter. Come to me.” (my version) hehe. When Peter heard these words, he couldn’t believe it. I can only imagine the look on Peter’s face. It’s as if he wanted to take his words back. I can almost hear him say “Si Jesus talaga, hindi na mabiro.” When Peter finally recognized that Jesus was far from playing games with him, and not stepping out would be a sin. He did as he was told – he stepped out of the boat. He stepped out of the comfort zone. He was able to walk on water. IT WAS ONLY WHEN HE STEPPED OUT OF HIS BOAT, HIS COMFORT ZONE, THAT THE MIRACLE HAPPENED! Yes! He was able to do it! He walked on water! A mere human walked on water! Unbelievable! Suddenly, he began to sink. Oh no! What could have happened? Did he make a wrong step? What is a wrong step on water, anyway? What did he do wrong?
Peter began to sink because he became conscious of his natural surroundings and fear began to seep through his heart. Doubt began to cloud his mind. Peter began to sink.
There was a time late last year when I uttered to God that I wanted to start all over again – at work. Didn’t know how – new work, new boss, new office – that I wasn’t sure. I just wanted to have a clean slate. I wanted to change at the place where I was but it seemed like I was really having a difficult time doing it. I was at a comfortable place. I could say I had created my own “work culture” already. But a “culture” that doesn’t really work for me. Try as I may, I could not bring myself to counter this culture that I myself have birthed.
So God had to intervene. Thank God He had to intervene.
The news came – we are going to move to a new place. Uhmmmm. Is this the take-off to a new start that I was waiting for? But then again, as everything became clear, I found out that the new place isn’t the perfect place after all. But still, “Jesus is already calling me out to walk on water.” When I finally recognized that Jesus was far from playing games with me, and not stepping out would be a sin, I just had to accept it. Take that step. Out of my boat. Out of my comfort zone.
Honestly, I still am walking on water right now. But I choose to keep the integrity of my heart and innocence of my hands.
Not a word of complaint from this humble servant of yours, my Lord but only whispers of thanksgiving and praise knowing that in Your righteousness and lovingkindness, You whisper back, “Yes, I know that you did this in the integrity of your heart. For I also withheld you from sinning against Me; therefore I did not let you touch her (failure).” Genesis 20:6
And when I do find myself sinking into the inevitable deep, God would gladly reach out to me saying, “Come take my hand, O child of mine. I will carry you through.” Just what Jesus did to Peter.
Humbled by His Majesty,